In a fair world, a heart surgeon and a burger flipper should be paid the same. No one has a right to more money simply because of their skills.

In a fair world, all houses should be the same size, shape and design. No one should have the right to have more rooms more space or a more appealing design simply because they have more money.

In a fair world, all houses should be in the same place. No one should have the right to a better view, or to be closer to the station, or to have cleaner air than someone else simply because they have a better located house. There should thus be a single skyscraper, where everyone lives, with all the floors at ground level.

In a fair world, everyone should eat the same food. No one should have the right to eat food that they enjoy more than food they don’t enjoy simply because they enjoy it. People should have to eat exactly the same amount of everything, whether or not they want to.

In a fair world, everyone should weigh the same. No one should have the right to look slimmer or more attractive than other people, or be healthier than them simply because they restrain themselves from eating anything they want whenever they want it. No one should have the right to look less dangerously underweight than other people either.

In a fair world, everyone should eat the same amount of food. No one should be allowed to try to slim or gain weight (see above). Anyone who is under or over the perfect weight should be force-fed or have a gastric band inserted as appropriate. In extreme cases, compulsory surgery will be carried out.

In a fair world, the only food available should be a perfectly nutritious, utterly flavourless grey paste, with no flavourings or additives, containing all the necessary nutrients for life. It should be swallowed, to place it inside the stomach without unnecessarily having to pass over the taste buds. No one should be allowed to enjoy food designed not to be enjoyable just because they have a tongue which might detect its flavour.

In a fair world, no one should be able to praise anyone for anything they do. No one has a right to suggest that the value of one person’s contribution is greater than anyone else’s. Someone who saves a child from a burning building at great risk to themselves is no more worthy of praise than those people who didn’t know about the fire, weren’t near it, didn’t know about the child, or because of their genetic heritage and/or the circumstances of their upbringing, preferred to keep themselves safe instead.

In a fair world, no one should seek out the company of someone whom they like. No one has a right to greater attention and larger number of friends simply because they are nicer, more complimentary, or better company. At the same time, no one has a right to a more enjoyable social life simply because they go out of the way to cultivate relationships with people whom they like. People of less privileged upbringings may lack the skills or the interest to make friends of this sort.

In a fair world, no one should be able to criticise or condemn anyone for theft. No one has a right to suggest that someone who steals something rather than earning it has any less right to ownership than the person they stole it from. Someone must have stolen something from someone somewhere along the line. All property is theft.

In a fair world, no one should be able to criticise or condemn anyone for murder. No one willingly takes the life of another human being, so therefore, by definition any murder must have been caused by extreme provocation, and it isn’t for people who do not understand the provocation to disapprove.

In a fair world, every culture must be treated equally, no matter how much it conflicts with our own. No one has a right to condemn practices of other cultures simply because they were not brought up within them and hence do not understand them. This includes cultures which practise the subjugation of women, the mutilation of the genitals of either sex, and slavery. The only exception is capitalism, which must be wiped from the face of the Earth.

In a fair world, women would be paid the same as men. Old people would be paid the same as young people. Clever people would be paid the same as stupid people. Every month everyone would have exactly the same amount of money, and they would give it all to the state, which would provide them with everything they need, as assessed by the representatives of the state, who would be incorruptible and above reproach.

In a fair world, people would not be able to buy things. No one has a right to possess something which other people may not have. All things would be owned by the state, and application should be made, in writing, to the state, for permission to use them, for a limited amount of time.

In a fair world no one should be allowed to have sex. All procreation would be taken over by the state, and all pleasure associated with it would be systematically expunged.

In a fair world, vowels would be used no less frequently than consonants in words. No onne has thee riiiight to suuggeest thaaat vooweels arre more or leeess iimpoortaant thaan  ootheerr leetteeers juuust becaussse without theeem woooords wouuld be impossiiblee to saay.

In ax fair woooorld, theere woould be onliiy onne vowwel. Havang maar thaaan an vaawal anla saarvas ta caanfasa aall thaaas papla wha navar larnt ta raad praparly, bacaasa af carcamstancas af thaar apbrangang whach waar bayand thaar cantral, aand na-ana haas thaa raaaaght ta dasaadvaaantaga tham.

In ax faar waaaarld, aall laattaaars waaald actaaallay laak thaa sama. Qqq qqq qqqqqq qqq qqqqq qqqqq qqqqqq qqqq qq qqqqq qqqqq qqqq q qqq qqq qqq qqq q