A: Mummy, who’s Donald Trump?
B: Oh dear…
A: Is he like Donald Duck?
B: Well, not quite…
A: Like Donald Duck, but a trump instead of a duck.
B: You know we don’t say ‘trump’ darling, we say ‘popple’.
A: Is he though?
B: Not really darling, Donald Duck is a cartoon character. Donald Trump is real.
A: Then why is he on television so much?
B: It’s because he’s the President.
A: Can I have a present?
B: President, darling, president.
A: What’s a president?
B: Well, he’s a bit like our queen.
A: Is he a lady?
B: Well, no, perhaps that’s a bad analogy.
A: What’s an allergy?
B: Okay, he’s the closest thing that the Americans have to a king. Except that he wasn’t born to it, he was elected.
A: He’s electric?
B: Elected. That means people voted for him. They chose him.
A: Like when I choose sweets in the shop?
B: Yes. Yes, exactly like that. And you know that sometimes I tell you that you shouldn’t choose toffees because they will make your teeth get holes in, even though you think toffee is what you want?
A: I don’t really like toffee anymore, but I do like chocolate. Can I have some chocolate?
B: Well, the people chose Donald Trump, and they should have chosen someone who wasn’t going to be bad for them.
A: Is he bad then?
B: Well, no one’s all bad, darling, there is good in everyone.
A: Oh, good. Now can I have some chocolate?
B: It’ll be tea time soon, darling.
A: So why does Daddy call him all those bad names?
B: Daddy doesn’t mean it, darling.
A: He used the f-word the other day.
B: That was a mistake. Daddy never uses the f-word normally.
A: Only when he’s talking about Donald Trump.
B: Okay, let me tell you about Donald Trump. He’s very, very rich.
A: Like Angela?
B: Even richer than Angela. And he always says he’s the best at everything.
A: Oh, just like Angela.
B: No…well, yes, actually, just like Angela.
A: I don’t like her when she does that. It’s boasting. Boasting is bad, isn’t it?
B: Usually, darling, yes. And especially when you’re supposed to have some gravitas.
A: Like we sometimes have at IKEA?
B: No, darling. It means you’re supposed to be someone people can respect. Like the headmistress at your school.
A: What, Mandy? I like her, she’s fun.
B: Oh, maybe not like that then. But it isn’t just the boasting. He tells fibs.
A: (shocked) He fibs?
B: Yes. Almost all the time, in fact.
A: But that’s very naughty!
B: Well, yes it is.
A: At school, Mandy tells us in assembly that we mustn’t ever, ever, ever, ever, tell fibs.
B: Well, that’s right, darling, you mustn’t.
A: So why does the Present tell fibs? Is it because he’s like a king, and can do what he wants?
B: Yes, I think it is. Well, I think he thinks he can do what he wants.
A: Can’t he?
B: No. There’s supposed to be a separation of the powers in the American Constitution.
B: I mean…
A: But if he can’t do what he wants, who is going to stop him doing it?
A: If he’s the King, he’s the strongest, isn’t he, and he’ll have people who like him all around him, and no one will be able to do anything about his fibbing.
B: Well, he has already been told he can’t just do what he wants.
A: Who told him that?
B: A judge.
A: One of those funny people with wigs that that other lady was getting cross about?
B: Theresa May. Yes. Only I don’t think the American ones wear wigs.
A: What did he want to do?
B: The judge?
A: No, Donald Trump, silly.
B: Oh, he – look do you really want to know all this?
A: Tell me.
B: He said that people from some countries couldn’t come to his country.
A: Like when you told me off because I didn’t want Amber or Rhys or Saffron to come to my party and you said we had to invite everyone in my class.
B: Well – I suppose it was a bit like that.
A: But Sarah and Emily didn’t come anyway, and neither did Rhys because he said it was a girls’ party.
B: It was still nice to invite them. And it would have been very nasty to say that anyone wasn’t allowed to come.
A: So why didn’t he want people coming to his country?
B: Should we look at something on the iPad?
A: Tell me!
B: He was worried that they might be bad people.
A: What sort of bad people?
B: People who were going there to do bad things.
A: Why did he think that? Is it because people from those countries had done bad things before?
B: Erm…. No, actually, none of them had.
A: But that’s silly!
B: People told him that if someone was going to do something bad in his country, it would probably be from one of those countries.
A: That’s still silly.
B: That’s what the judge said.
A: So the judge told him off and said he couldn’t do it?
A: That’s good.
B: Yes, darling.
A: I don’t think I like Donald Trump.
B: Well, you don’t need to worry about him, darling.
A: I don’t like fibbers. He won’t come here to our country and tell fibs, will he?
B: Well, Theresa May has asked him to come to have tea with the Queen.
A: (horrified) But he might tell fibs to the Queen!
B: I think he might.
A: But she’s very old, she might believe his fibs!
B: Oh, she’s far too clever for that.
A: I hope so. What if he tricks her into selling the country to him? Is he richer than the Queen?
B: (thinks) Erm, yes, I think he is.
A: I really don’t think we should let him come.
B: Shall we make a placard darling?
A: What’s a placard?