Rolf revisited

Confusius:          I hear they’ve let that Rolf Harris go, then.

Exasperus:         Let him go?

Confusius:          You know. After all them sexual assaults he done. They’ve let him go.

Exasperus:         Why did they let him go?

Confusius:          ‘Cos his barrister got him off.

Exasperus:         Defended him successfully, you mean?

Confusius:          Exactly. Defence barrister. Shouldn’t be allowed.

Exasperus:         What, having a defence barrister?

Confusius:          If he was innocent, he wouldn’t need one would he?

Exasperus:         (looking in paper) It says nothing here about letting him go.

Confusius:          Yeah, they’re going to let him go.

Exasperus:         Going to? You said they already had!

Confusius:          Well, you know. Same thing.

Exasperus:         It says here he’s going to be released on licence on July 19th.

Confusius:          Yeah.

Exasperus:         Which is when he was always going to be released.

Confusius:          How’s that five years then?

Exasperus:         How’s what fi-

Confusius:          He got banged up in 2014. How come he’s getting out on July 19th, if he got sentenced to five years nine months?

Exasperus:         Well, that’s normal. You get released after half of your sentence.

Confusius:          What?

Exasperus:         It’s standard practice for moderate sentences to release people after they’ve served half of it.

Confusius:          Well – why didn’t they give him double then?

Exasperus:         …

Confusius:          Answer me that, why didn’t they give him double? That way, they’d make sure he served the full five years and nine months?

Exasperus:         You wanted him to get eleven years and six months?

Confusius:          Yeah. For what he did. It’s disgusting. Kiddie fiddling pervert. He’s no better than that Tony Blackburn.

Exasperus:         Jimmy Savile.

Confusius:          Mind you, at least he did stuff for charity.

Exasperus:         Yes, I suppose he did.

Confusius:          Raised money for all those poor people in Stoke Newington.

Exasperus:         Mandeville.

Confusius:          Marvellous really. All those Marathons he ate.

Exasperus:         Ran. He ran marathons.

Confusius:          They wanna call them Snickers now, though, don’t they?

Exasperus:         I’m not even sure Rolf did it.

Confusius:          What? That’s disgusting that is. You defending him?

Exasperus:         Well, no, he’s got a barrister to do that.

Confusius:          Shouldn’t need one. Shouldn’t need one if he’s innocent, should he?

Exasperus:         Thing is, I think he probably is innocent.

Confusius:          He had sex with his daughter!

Exasperus:         His daughter’s friend.

Confusius:          That’s just as bad!

Exasperus:         Well, it isn’t as illegal.

Confusius:          Isn’t it? If she’s 13?

Exasperus:         Well, it’s illegal if she was 13, but was she?

Confusius:          She said she was.

Exasperus:         Yes, she also said she was still sleeping with him when she was 29.

Confusius:          So? She’s allowed to do that, isn’t she?

Exasperus:         Yes.

Confusius:          Don’t start shaming her for having an active sex-life.

Exasperus:         With the man she says was abusing her from the age of 13.

Confusius:          Well, why would you lie about a thing like that?

Exasperus:         I have no idea. But the fact that I can’t think why someone should lie about something doesn’t mean that the thing they might be lying about must necessarily be true.

Confusius:          …

Exasperus:         (reads) Oh, now I get it. He’s been acquitted of these new charges.

Confusius:          Yeah, but he’s going to have to go back anyway.

Exasperus:         Where does it say that?

Confusius:          They’re going to do him for them again.

Exasperus:         No, there were some charges the jury couldn’t decide on.

Confusius:          Well, he must be guilty then. If they had a reasonable doubt.

Exasperus:         No, you acquit if you have a reasonable doubt.

Confusius:          That’s not fair though, is it?

Exasperus:         <sigh!>

Confusius:          That defence barrister he’s got, he said that the original jury got it wrong. Well, imagine how they must feel.

Exasperus:         Is that the most important thing?

Confusius:          You turn up for jury service, you’ve had to take time off work, you don’t get no money for lost pay, oh no…

Exasperus:         Yes you do.

Confusius:          …then you have to spend all your time in a draughty courtroom listening to all the sordid details of some old bloke’s fiddlings with little girls….

Exasperus:         He wasn’t old then, and anyway…

Confusius:          …then when it’s finally all over, and you think you can go home, you get crammed into a stuffy little room with a load of other people who you don’t know from Adam, and you’re not allowed to go home until you’ve found the bloke guilty.

Exasperus:         Or not guilty.

Confusius:          Hmmm?

Exasperus:         You could find him not guilty instead.

Confusius:          Oh. Oh! Yes, I suppose you could. But either way, there’s always someone who ain’t going to change their minds and stuff, no matter how long you sit there and talk about it.

Exasperus:         Hmmm.

Confusius:          So you do all that, just doing your duty and stuff, and then some barrister comes and tells you you got it wrong.

Exasperus:         Appalling.

Confusius:          It is appalling.

Exasperus:         Trouble is, he was probably right.

Confusius:          Well, he’s got to say that, ain’t he, otherwise the jury in this new case is going to be biased against him.

Exasperus:         Rolf was never at the place where one of the attacks happened.

Confusius:          Says who?

Exasperus:         An entire absence of any adduced evidence.

Confusius:          I don’t even…

Exasperus:         One of the girls couldn’t remember whether she was 13 or 17 when the attack happened, and changed her mind to suit the facts. The judge didn’t mind.

Confusius:          Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen though, did it? Anyway, how can anyone be expected to remember what happened forty years ago? I know I can’t.

Exasperus:         But she said it was a traumatic experience.

Confusius:          I bet it was. Eurgh, those hairy hands!

Exasperus:         His hands aren’t hairy.

Confusius:          Imagine it. You’d never forget that, would you?

Exasperus:         Nor how old you were when it happened.

Confusius:          And there’s that one he groped in a pub. Underneath the tablecloth.

Exasperus:         Oh, yes, the one that sold her story to the Australian press?

Confusius:          Look they can’t all be making it up, can they?

Exasperus:         Why not?

Confusius:          That’s ridiculous! Why would anyone do something like that? He was a nice man, he was, before they started saying this stuff about him. Good with kids. It’s disgusting to think he was pretending all the time.

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